Go Outside!!!

Why the heck is it so hard to get my kids to play outside? We have swings, a trampoline, bikes, dogs, water hoses, wagons, trees for climbing, and plenty of property to explore. I know it's hot, but for heaven's sake it was hot when I was a kid... and I stayed outside the entire summer. My grandmother made sure of that, I assure you.

Grace actually cried when I asked her to go outside to play. What is that? And we don't just struggle with this disease at home. Usually when we go to Tammie's I can't get the kids to come in. But the last time or two I noticed that Grace will find a movie, or want to play games on the computer instead of playin' outside with Zane.

Ah Ha Moment! The source of this insidious disease is t.v. and computers! And if I were really honest, my not keeping a better eye on the time spent glued to them.

That's it. I'm kickin' 'em out. As of today my little blessings are banned from the house during daylight hours, with rare exception for reading time, chores and meals. I guess I'll let 'em in for sickness and injury as well... after all I'm not a complete monster.

I'm going to see to it that their imaginations don't rot. I refuse to allow my children to become couch potatoes! We only have 3 1/2 short weeks of Summer left, and they are going to spend them OUTSIDE!

When Did That Happen?

I just realized that when this summer ends my daughter will be a 4th grader. Wasn't it just yesterday that we were cheering her on to take her first steps? Or rushing her to the hospital because she'd shoved a qtip in her ear and I couldn't get the bleeding to stop? How about the time she lovingly emptied an entire container of baby powder in her room, being very carful to dust every surface within her 2 foot reach. It looked like it had snowed in there... she was so very proud. With little arms open wide and pure joy on her little face... "Look Momma. Pretty."

4th Grade snuck up on me. When did that happen?

Summer So Far

* Grace went to her very first overnight camp. It was good and bad, mostly good. I think she'll go again next year.

* I worked MDO (Mother's Day Out) at our church this summer. Don't think I'll do it again next year, but it was a good experience. I made some new friends, and fell in love with the kiddos, but teaching is not my "gift". One week left. I'm sure gonna miss those kids.

* Grace, Zane and I got to be around for the Family Weekend at Jess and Tammie's this year. We had so much fun. Grace asked me at one point if I knew that Tammie was the other kids Aunt too? She followed that with a very excited and hopeful, "Does that make them my cousins?" We felt so very loved and included. Y'all are such a blessing!

* We all hopped a plane and went to Va. for a week. The fireworks were wonderful, and they seemed to go on forever! The guys worked, the girls cooked, and the kids drove the cats crazy, with a sprinklin' of antiquin' and sight seein' to boot. It was fun!

* My nephews landed Tuesday. They've survived the visit so far. That's a good sign.

* We FINALLY got to use our passes to Hawaiian Falls on Wednesday. Geeze, the Summer is half over already and we're just now gettin' to swim. That is just soooooo sad.

* Grace's kitten Miley forgot her way home at the beginning of Summer. After days of searching, fliers, and prayers we'd decided that she probably wasn't coming home. I choose to believe that she was taken in by a loving family, instead of devoured as an afternoon snack by the coyotes that live behind our house. I just hope we never find the collar. But Uncle Lance has come to the rescue. He found 3 tiny baby kittens on his job site today, so now Grace has a new baby to love... and this one was FREE!

Whew! I need a vacation!

Playin' Catch Up

Ok... here ya go. These have been sittin' in my drafts file for, well... months. Maybe I'll finish the Roller Coaster story later, but for now I intend to focus on happier things. I may even do a Summer Favorites list... who knows?

I'm ready for change.

I've just been coasting along for the last 8 months, not giving anything or anyone in my life any significant attention. Everything takes so much effort and I just don't feel like making an effort. Kids, dinner, laundry, bills, dogs, church, quiet time, making friends, keeping up with old ones... it all require effort. Thought. Nurturing. Love. I hurt and I just want to be left alone. Sort of. What I really want is a free pass from all my responsibilities, to have all expectations waived until I feel better. Too bad I still have children to raise, a husband to tend to, and a God that I'm supposed to serve.

ADD Moment... it just occurs to me that I got that completely out of order.

Now I realize that given the circumstances of the past year I'm allowed to be, shall we say, afflicted. Sad. Depressed even. I miss Jackie in ways I never thought possible. My heart literally aches for her. No matter how cliche it sounds, it's still the truth.

Watching my Grace grieve her is no picnic either. In fact I'd say that not being able to soothe her pain is the worst feeling I've ever experienced in my life. My little girl hurts so deeply and there isn't a dang thing I can do about it... except hold her and pray. I know, I know... those are the best things I can do for her. I need to trust God with the rest. Blah, blah, blah. Whatever. I'm her mom and I feel helpless. I am helpless. That hurts.

But no matter how much it hurts it's time to move forward. Today, I'm choosing to do just that.

A Word About My Grandmother

When I think about it, in her last years Grandmother required a lot more attention and planning than either of my children. Between medicine, meals, and activities there just wasn't a lot of extra time in a day. Simple daily things like dressing and eating breakfast took so much time. I know that it sounds miserable, and many times it was, but I'll never be able to express just how honored I am to have walked through that season with her. I got to love her in ways I never imagined possible. That time with her, no matter how difficult, was a gift.

I admit it was hard to watch the woman I grew up with, the woman that made it possible for me to meet Jesus, the one that prayed for me every day of my life... just disappear in front of my eyes. My Grandmother was powerful... in prayer, in love, in service, in life. She was a force. She was always my very best example of God's love and sacrifice. I watched that power fade into weakness, to need. It was my turn to be the powerful one, to hold her up, to love her no matter how much it hurt. Honestly, how many times had she done that for me?

Losing her was hard, mostly because it was so unexpected. After all, we had expected to have her around another 10 years. I really am comforted knowing that I will see her again. But the greatest comfort, and even joy, comes in knowing that she is EXACTLY who Jesus created her to be. No dementia. No fear. Just Jake.

I want to walk that closely with Jesus and to know the transforming power of His love. I want to be the example of God’s love and sacrifice for my family, the way she was for me. I want her legacy of prayer, service, and faithfulness to live on in me. I want to maker her proud.

Roller Coasters Make Me Sick

I've been trying to start this silly blog for about 4 months now. I'm not sure how good I'll be at this... I tend to ramble on and on. This could be painful for all involved. I'll do my best.

Here goes...

Roller Coasters Make Me Sick
Waiting In Line

This ride has lasted for almost 5 months and I have to tell you I'm way past ready to get off. It started with the decision to move my Grandmother into an Assisted Living facility near by. It took me and Ethel two days of searching to narrow down our choices to two.

After a long look at money and a couple lunch visits with Nanna to our top picks, a choice was made. She was on board with the whole idea. In fact I'd say that she was even excited. Nanna never wanted to be a burden. She was glad to be with us, but never really felt at home here. She tried, bless her heart... but she always felt like she was in the way, and no amount of consoling from us ever changed that. So we got busy with the planning and decorating of her little room. She was thrilled with her beautiful new things. Then without warning Nanna had a stroke and died.

Suddenly I found myself waiting in line for a ride that I didn't want to be on. After she died calls were made. Family flew in. Arrangements were worked out. All the while I'm waiting. Waiting for the pastor. Waiting to cry. Waiting for the whole thing to be over and for family to head home. Waiting for things to just get back to normal.

I reluctantly got on and took my seat. I didn't pick this ride, but here I was none the less. All I could do was hold on tight and pray.