Thanks ladies for all the support and encouragement. I can't tell you how much your words mean to me... just to know I'm heard and understood brings healing, and the courage to keep goin'. I wanted to share a couple small victories that happened over the weekend.
*I visited a new church, or at least the member services director, Friday morning. It occurred to me Thursday night that I'm doin' too much of this alone. We've been tryin' to get connected at our church for over 2 years now, and we know a total of 5 people. Growing up at Central, I know that my bar is set kind of high for wanting church to feel like "family", but come on!? It's been 2 years! I decided that that night that I'm tired of the enemy keepin' me isolated. We weren't meant to walk this journey alone. I want a church "family". And I think we're on to something good. I can't wait to attend a couple services and get our feet wet.
*We still haven't made any hard and fast decisions about school for the Fall, but we did get an extension of sorts from Grace's current school. The registration fee was due Friday... a $500.00 registration fee. $500.00 that we just don't have. I explained our situation to the school administrator and she graciously suggested that we wait to pay any sort of registration fee (since it's NON REFUNDABLE) until we know for sure what we're going to do in the Fall. She assured me that she'd put a note on Grace's file and would call me if it looked like the classes might fill up and my kiddos might be in danger of losing their spots. It buys us some time to pray.
*The last thing, which is no SMALL thing I assure you, is that Mace has decided to allow me to work. The trick here is that I'm only available to work 3 days a week while Zane is in school. I'm prayin' that God will meet that need too.
That's the update, such as it is. I just want to say again what a blessing all of your comments were. I truly felt lifted up and encouraged. The fact that all of you are women that I admire and wish to emulate just makes your words that much sweeter.
Thanks again!
Monday, February 23, 2009
Friday, February 20, 2009
Is There Anything at All?
I'm so completely overwhelmed. We're swimming in debt. Mace lost his overtime, at least for the next several months... and foolishly that overtime was what was keeping us afloat. There hasn't been work in the shop since December. I got us on a budget and we tithe every week. We've given up everything we possibly can... nails, alarm system, eating out, and the house phone. Mace isn't very receptive to me getting a job so... how are we going to make it?
We've been struggling with Grace for the past several weeks. Nothing new really... the same old junk. She can't follow through with much, she's impulsive and VERY emotional, and has a shorter short term memory that Dory from Finding Nemo. I've become so frustrated that I find myself being down right mean to my own child. What kind of mom does that? We've had her tested by 2 psychologists (as recently last week), and had her evaluated by an organization called NACD. All of them suggest some sort of treatment, the latter with a more intense hands on approach without meds. Both psychologists suggested medication therapy. We have tried to avoid meds at all cost. Yet, here we are on the brink of starting a stimulant medicine to help "control" Grace's issues. If I were a better parent, would she need the meds at all?
We've had her in a private school for the past two years because I have very strong feeling about public schools for many reasons. At the very least her current school offers a much smaller classroom environment than a public school would... and that's a big plus for a kid with ADD. But with our money situation being what it is, I'm not sure how we're going to afford it next year... keeping in mind Zane starts kindergarten in the Fall too. It seems to me that homeschooling the kids would be the best answer... but Grace and I struggle, and I'm not good enough to parent through those struggles. According to Mace being at home with me would just make things worse.
Every suggestion I make to participate in our lives is dismissed. I can't work, because I wouldn't make enough to really help. I can't home school the kids because it would be hard... and apparently I wouldn't rise to the occasion. My kid is on ADD medication!
Why does God see fit to strip me of every value that is important to me in raising my family? Why doesn't my own husband have confidence in me to teach our children well, or at the very least help provide extra income in order to afford tuition? Why can't I be a good enough mom to help Grace without her needing the meds?
What can I do well? Is there anything at all?
We've been struggling with Grace for the past several weeks. Nothing new really... the same old junk. She can't follow through with much, she's impulsive and VERY emotional, and has a shorter short term memory that Dory from Finding Nemo. I've become so frustrated that I find myself being down right mean to my own child. What kind of mom does that? We've had her tested by 2 psychologists (as recently last week), and had her evaluated by an organization called NACD. All of them suggest some sort of treatment, the latter with a more intense hands on approach without meds. Both psychologists suggested medication therapy. We have tried to avoid meds at all cost. Yet, here we are on the brink of starting a stimulant medicine to help "control" Grace's issues. If I were a better parent, would she need the meds at all?
We've had her in a private school for the past two years because I have very strong feeling about public schools for many reasons. At the very least her current school offers a much smaller classroom environment than a public school would... and that's a big plus for a kid with ADD. But with our money situation being what it is, I'm not sure how we're going to afford it next year... keeping in mind Zane starts kindergarten in the Fall too. It seems to me that homeschooling the kids would be the best answer... but Grace and I struggle, and I'm not good enough to parent through those struggles. According to Mace being at home with me would just make things worse.
Every suggestion I make to participate in our lives is dismissed. I can't work, because I wouldn't make enough to really help. I can't home school the kids because it would be hard... and apparently I wouldn't rise to the occasion. My kid is on ADD medication!
Why does God see fit to strip me of every value that is important to me in raising my family? Why doesn't my own husband have confidence in me to teach our children well, or at the very least help provide extra income in order to afford tuition? Why can't I be a good enough mom to help Grace without her needing the meds?
What can I do well? Is there anything at all?
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Burnin' Love
I found this silly questionaire about spouses on Face Book today. It was a little different than the usual "what's your favorite color?", or "how many states have you lived in?" surveys, and it looked like fun so I filled it out. A old friend of mine read my offering and reminded me of one of our "Romantic Stories". She scolded me for leavin' it out of the survey, and implored me to share. So I did.
Well as it happens another OLD friend had something to say about my story. She fussed at me for not posting it on my blog. Geeze... it was just a silly survey. Who knew it would set off such a "fire storm"? Hee hee.
So here it is! I should be blogging about the flu that has ravaged my family, or crazy money issues, or how much I am stressing about Grace's meds right now... but no. In an attempt to please my very best friend in the whole world my latest offering here is a silly romantic story about me and Mace from about a million years ago. I hope it brings a giggle.
You know how it is... a new baby can sure squash any notions of romance between new parents. When the mood strikes you're either too tired to act on 'em, or little bit interrupts the planned activities... or one of you is covered in poop, puke, or drool. I don't care who you are... that just ain't hot. Nothing destroys the mood faster than the smell of spit up and dirty diapers.
When Grace was about 6 months old I found myself missin' Mace, so with the help of a couple friends, I planned a surprise rendezvous after work one after noon. I went shoppin' for TONS of little candles, strawberries and chocolate, flowers, fake bubbly, and a new nighty. My friend helped me remove ALL traces of baby from our bedroom... which was no small task. This little adventure had to take place in the middle of the day so in order to set the right mood I had to block out the sunlight. We covered the window with a heavy blanket and enhanced the mood by scattering candles all over the room. I brought in a cart with the bubbly, strawberries, and chocolate. I sprinkled rose petals on the bed and floor, and around the candles. I turned on the music. The room was beautiful. Perfect.
Grace left with my friend for a few hours... and I waited.
When he arrived I led him to our room. He was so surprised, and excited... as you can imagine. We danced, sort of. We snacked on the strawberries... a little. But we QUICKLY took advantage of being alone. The moment was perfect. Everything I was hoping for. As we make our way to the bed, he leans in to kiss me, I glance up at the window... and the flower petals on the candle holders are ON FIRE! My quick thinkin' husband jumps out of bed... NAKED... and grabs the blazing candles, setting the blanket that is covering the window on fire as well. I jump up and grab the blanket and put out that fire. Meanwhile Mace runs out of the room and through the house... NAKED... with the plate full of blazing candles. He quickly deposits them into the sink of the guest bathroom, and runs water to put out the blaze. Not a smart move, for so many reasons... have you ever tried to get wax out of a sink drain? But he didn't care. He was on a mission.
He came back to our room, climbed back into bed, gathered me up in his arms, and leaned in to kiss me... the man never missed a beat. On a mission indeed. He put out the fire, but nothing could stamp out his "burnin' love".
Too much? I thought it might be a little corny there at the end... but oh well.
Well as it happens another OLD friend had something to say about my story. She fussed at me for not posting it on my blog. Geeze... it was just a silly survey. Who knew it would set off such a "fire storm"? Hee hee.
So here it is! I should be blogging about the flu that has ravaged my family, or crazy money issues, or how much I am stressing about Grace's meds right now... but no. In an attempt to please my very best friend in the whole world my latest offering here is a silly romantic story about me and Mace from about a million years ago. I hope it brings a giggle.
You know how it is... a new baby can sure squash any notions of romance between new parents. When the mood strikes you're either too tired to act on 'em, or little bit interrupts the planned activities... or one of you is covered in poop, puke, or drool. I don't care who you are... that just ain't hot. Nothing destroys the mood faster than the smell of spit up and dirty diapers.
When Grace was about 6 months old I found myself missin' Mace, so with the help of a couple friends, I planned a surprise rendezvous after work one after noon. I went shoppin' for TONS of little candles, strawberries and chocolate, flowers, fake bubbly, and a new nighty. My friend helped me remove ALL traces of baby from our bedroom... which was no small task. This little adventure had to take place in the middle of the day so in order to set the right mood I had to block out the sunlight. We covered the window with a heavy blanket and enhanced the mood by scattering candles all over the room. I brought in a cart with the bubbly, strawberries, and chocolate. I sprinkled rose petals on the bed and floor, and around the candles. I turned on the music. The room was beautiful. Perfect.
Grace left with my friend for a few hours... and I waited.
When he arrived I led him to our room. He was so surprised, and excited... as you can imagine. We danced, sort of. We snacked on the strawberries... a little. But we QUICKLY took advantage of being alone. The moment was perfect. Everything I was hoping for. As we make our way to the bed, he leans in to kiss me, I glance up at the window... and the flower petals on the candle holders are ON FIRE! My quick thinkin' husband jumps out of bed... NAKED... and grabs the blazing candles, setting the blanket that is covering the window on fire as well. I jump up and grab the blanket and put out that fire. Meanwhile Mace runs out of the room and through the house... NAKED... with the plate full of blazing candles. He quickly deposits them into the sink of the guest bathroom, and runs water to put out the blaze. Not a smart move, for so many reasons... have you ever tried to get wax out of a sink drain? But he didn't care. He was on a mission.
He came back to our room, climbed back into bed, gathered me up in his arms, and leaned in to kiss me... the man never missed a beat. On a mission indeed. He put out the fire, but nothing could stamp out his "burnin' love".
Too much? I thought it might be a little corny there at the end... but oh well.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)